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FASS 2002: The company, puttin' on the ritz.

FASS 2000 - Songs

FASS Double-Oh
(RunRunaway)

Solo:	4-3-2-1

Solo: 	We like musicals,
Cast:	Welcome to the show,
Solo:	You like musicals,
Cast:	FASS Double-Oh.
All:	New Years', '99
	Here comes year, 2000,
	Here comes millennium,
	FASS Double-Oh. (hey!)

Solo:	New Years' parties,
Cast:	Wait for midnight,
Solo:	What will 2000 bring?
Cast:	FASS Double-Oh.
All:	Scouts and Y2K,
	Will they bring, disarray?
	Will disaster strike?
	FASS Double-Oh. (let's go!)

Solo:	After midnight's gone,
Cast:	We'll still be partying,
Solo:	To the break of dawn,
Cast:	FASS Double-Oh.
All:	Come and join the fun,
	Know the words, sing our song,
	Sing the words out loud,
	FASS Double-Oh.
All:	Come and join the fun,
	Know the words, sing our song,
	Yell those words out loud,
	FASS Double-Oh. (hup!)

Solo:	Now you're in the mood.
Cast:	Now we're good to go,
Solo:	Relive New Year's Eve,
Cast:	FASS Double-Oh.
All:	New Years', '99,
	Here comes year, 2000
	Here comes millennium
	FASS Double-Oh.

Solo:	We like musicals,
Cast:	Welcome to the show,
Solo:	You like musicals,
Cast:	FASS Double-Oh.
All:	Let's get on with it,
	Start the show, here we go,
	Sing along with us,
	FASS Double-Oh.
All:	New Years', '99
	Here comes year, 2000,
	Here comes millennium,
	FASS Double-Oh. (hey!)

Eating Humans Jive
(Mambo Number Five)

Cam:	Ladies and Gentlemen, here's my eating humans jive.

	When_ it's_ ten to five.
	And I'm feeling like a meal but am sick and tired
	Of the_ chicken wings and the lasagna.
	Then boy have I got some recipes that I usually wanna
	Try out on my barbecue.
	Hey maybe you could try this too.
	I might Sishka Bob, easy job, grilling or boiling
	Placed quickly in the freezer, to keep the food from spoiling.
	So what can I do? Can always stir fry some guy.
	Or eat a leg, bake John into pie.
	Any part flesh, liver's bad wait don't dump it;
	Eat that with a crumpet 
	
(Cam motions to each person in the scene as he sings about eating
them. They take a step back as he does this.)

	A little bite of 'Lizabeth on my tongue. 
	A little bite of Emily Egg Fu Young
	A little bite of Peter is all I need
	A little bite of John would satisfy me
	A little bite of Sharon in the pan.
	A little bite of Dick, say, from a can.
	A little bite of Reginald just an ear
	A little bite of you tastes good all year!

(band has a bit of fun. Some optional action on stage would include
everyone backing away from Cam. Music goes to the last verse)

	But my blind date
	Dines herself on a veggie plate
	I am lost, cuz I can't stop
	This romance now could be a flop

	Eating humans jive!

Livin' Life in a Coma
(Livin' La Vida Loca)

Steph:	She's from the inner city,
    	Ph.D's on her walls.
    	But what's a real pity,
    	My doc doesn't like house calls.
    	One time, I woke up dizzy,
    	Thought I'd give her a ring
    	She said, "Sorry I'm busy,
   	'Fraid I can't do a thing."

Doc:	I _said_ go take two aspirin
	And then call me the next day!
	But he felt worse soon afterward
	said, "Please come right away."
	So I asked "How will you pay?"

Steph:	I got drugged and gassed
	Hoped I didn't have melanoma
	Cuz I was fading fast,
	Soon livin' life in a coma!
Doc:	We tried to help him out
	Accepted cash, bonds, even VISA
	We had lots of doubt
	'Til one day I heard him sneeze, ah
	One day I heard him sneeze, ah-CHOO!

Steph:	Woke up, head feeling funny
    	But I seemed overall well
    	'Til I saw that I had no more money
    	And learned how long I had been in hell...

Insane Disease
(Strange Disease)

Carrie:
This is a source of consternation
Prompting a re-evaluation
We must produce some medication
For this insane disease

Sandy and/or Freida:
Can we really do this deed?
Do you think we will succeed?
I think you should take some heed;
I'm sensing some unease.

Others:
Come on, have fun!  Welcome the new millennium!
No need to worry now.
Everything's great; this party is first rate
There is no need to have a cow.
Just dance and be happy.
Ya, and sing really sappy:
La, la, la, la, la...
It's New Year's Eve!
Ya hoo! Ya hoo!

Carrie: (last verse)
So now I'm standing on this spot
Processing every single thought
Wondering what it is they've caught
If a cure can be found or not

I don't know what's for the best
And I really need a rest
But yet someone needs to act
So I guess I'll make that pact

(TIME 11:59)

All:
(and) Now here we go, no need for any sorrow!
No cause to feel uptight
Although the clock, it still goes tick tock
Look now it is almost midnight.
So let's countdown to it
Ya, cuz we want to do it.
Five! Four! Three! Two! One! ...

Carrie: Insanity must cease!

All: Ya hoo! YAHOO!

Will We Survive
(I Will Survive)

Romero:
At first I was afraid
I was terrified
I kept thinking Y2K would kill us, human genocide. 
So I then joined this big 'ole group
I'm thinking, how could this be wrong.
I got strong
I learned how to smoke a bong.

(a bit of the song is cut)

Tess:
Well we're here,
Came through the door,
Should we all leave, now
In an hour we'll be no more.
Weren't you the one
Who said we'd have one fighting chance
Do ya think we'll blow up?
Do ya think we'll blow up and die?

Romero, Bruce, Tess:
Oh will we,
Will we survive?
Yeah
I know we've got some porn and dolls
But will we be alive?
We've got all our lives to live,
We've got good advice to give
Will we survive?
Will we survive?

Warren:
It takes all the strength I have
Just not to laugh at you.
I'm trying not to call you pussies
You big pile of poo.
And I spent oh so many days
Just feeling sorry for my troops
You waste of skin.
So now my wrath it shall begin.

(A bit of the song is cut)

Sue:
So, please go
Walk out the door
Just leave this room
'cause you're not soldiers anymore.
We'll get some guns,
We've got us one big zamboni!
Do you think we'll blow up?
Do you think we'll blow up and die?

All:
Oh, not us,
We will survive
Yeah
As long as we've got porn and dolls
I know we'll be alive
We've got all our lives to live.
We've got good advice to give
We will survive,
We will survive,
Yeah, yeah.

Auld Lang Syne
(Auld Lang Syne)

(light comes up on the elevator. 'la''s in the song indicate where
the words should be mumbled over.)

Elevator cast:
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And la la auld lang syne 

For auld lang syne my dear,
For auld lang syne
La la la la la la la la,
La auld lang syne

(Half the cast of Act One Scene Four comes out, lights come up, and
the above is repeated, faster, with even more words missing. In fact,
those people arrive will occasionally make up new words to the song.)

(After this verse is done, we go through it one more time at a quick
tempo with anyone in the cast coming out, more lights come up. Everyone
is either faking the words or mumbling along at this point.)

(End with cheering, a few shouts of 'Happy New Year!!" and blackout,
curtain)

What Would Scouts and Soldiers Do?
(What Would Brian Boitano Do?)

Bruce:
What would scouts and soldiers do
If we'd tear through this wall
We'd play a game or maybe two
That's what scouts and soldiers'd do

Tess:
When scouts and soldiers were in the library,
Making New Year's plans.
We built a fire and a great big fort
Made out of petrol cans.

Dan:
When scouts and solders were in Iraq
Fighting Hussein's men
We used our x-ray vision eyes
And saved the Earth again.

All:
So what would scouts and soldiers do
If we were joined today?
I'm sure we'd kick an ass or two
That's what scouts and soldiers'd do!

Justin:
Why can't I drink in this nation?
It's preventing my intoxication.

Warren:
And I just want my troops
To quit being whiny pukes.

Wayne:
In China I'll be a militant too
Cuz that's what scouts and soldiers'd do!

All:
What would scouts and soldiers do
If we were here right now?
We'd bake a cake with icing too
That's what scouts and soldiers'd do!

Dia:
When scouts and soldiers traveled through space
To the planet, 'Alpha Two'
We fought off giant insect beasts,
To make the universe safe for you.

Sue:
And when scouts and soldiers formed a band,
We beat up John Lennon.
All:
Cuz scouts and soldiers don't take shit from anybody.

(As the last verse is sung, everyone begins tearing down the wall,
becoming reunited.)

All:
So let's tear down the wall together
For we have to stop the hate
And we'll tie knots and drink some brew
Cuz that's what scouts and soldiers'd do
And we'll tie knots and drink some brew
Cuz that's what scouts and soldiers'd dooooooo
Cuz that's what scouts and soldiers'd do!

The Story So Far
(Home for a Rest)

Solo:
You'll have to excuse me, I'm not very smart,
I've forgotten the plot, Could ya tell me my part?
This so called scene structure is not all that great,
I'm quite lost with the plot, So please tell me it, mate!

Small group:
We arrived at the party, the punch in the bowl
Was inviting, we drank it and took up our roles
We're not who we seem now, there's something not right
but who cares?  This is fun, can we stay here all night?

All:
(and) I have to say we're in great company
Everybody has changed for the better but me
(and) This party is turning out to be a blast
So let's all have a drink, come my friends, raise a glass
Raise a glass!

(musical bridge involving someone playing a tin whistle, people
dancing in a vaguely celtic manner, a lot of costumed people really
hamming it up)

A serial killer is stalking his friend
While the chair is just wanting this whole thing to end.
With both Moriarty and a Sherlock Holmes
The mere complications could fill written tomes

We're not missing much from our menagerie
And each one of us has our private theory
As to why we're all acting as our costumes do
As to what happens next, no we haven't a clue!
(Not a clue!)

Shake Yo' Behind
(The Phantom of the Opera)

MC:
My fat flow, his big beat.
Earn us da 'couts,
And chicks dat walk the street.
Wan na knock boots
We're bustin' out again,
Freakin' yo' mind
The MC and da DJ, yo, are here,
Shake yo' behind. 

DJ:
Beat on my boyz wit me,
As we kick ass.
We's get the smack fer free,
Cause we gots class.
So, bust a cap wit me,
And ju'll find,
The MC and da DJ, yo, are here,
Shake yo' behind.

MC: (DJ:)
Dose who be seen my shit. (Shee'it)
Dey, hits da floor. (F'loo)
Dey gives me chicks, and I's (tell us)
Smack up dat whore (dat ho)
MC and DJ:
Some ganjya and some crank.
We takes combined
The MC and da DJ, yo, are here,
Shake yo' behind.

MC and DJ:
Are here,
The MC and the DJ.

MC: (to GM)
Beat box for me!!!

The Psychic
(The Trial)

Reginald:
Good evening, Bob the Psychic
We hope you'll plainly show
The people who are missing from us
Have left this town and now are skiing.
Skiing downhill at that wondrous, massive resort
Mount Chicopee.
Call the Bar Owner!

Alex:
I always said they should have fixed this
Elevator, psychic.
If they'd heard all my complaints this would have
Not have been our fate.
But the politicians
The ones who raise tuition,
Let it get into this shape
May I kill all of them today?

Professor:
This piece of shit. We're in it.
Now I hope they caught my strange disease
They should have talked to me before they
Took my drugs, but no!
They had to steal their own box, have they
Permanently changed and altered?
You've got five minutes, Bob the Psychic.
Get. Me. Out.

Pilot:
Heeeeey!
I'm the airplane pilot, let me fly around the world!
All I ever wanted was to go to South Korea,
Why'd I ever get in this thing,
Bob, the Psychic? Free us from this lift!

All on stage:
Crazy, FASS this year, is pretty crazy,
Talking to spirits.
The playwright was quite drunk one year ago,
When he wrote this.
Crazy, this psychic named Bob well, he is crazy.

Bob:
The evidence, before this group is incontrovertible,
There's no need for this psychic to go on.
In all my years of chan'ling I have never seen before
Of something just so obvious that a child could figure out.
Now that this bit is over,
You two spies gone undercover,
Pay me with a sum quite generous!
Since, my friends, you have received your answer here
I take my fee, ten thousand bucks, before I leave.
Call me a cab!

All:
You are a cab! (repeat)

FASS 2000
(Kung Fu Fighting)

Solo:
Oh-oh-oh-oh_

All:
That's the end of FASS 2000, you saw the Earth's death firsthand.
In fact, we are a little bit saddened, it's the end of FASS 2000.

There were parties all night long, in funky Waterloo
They were boy scouts all 'round, there were girls guides there too.
And a costume party there, where everybody's unaware.
Of the punch, it was quite spiked, with experimental drugs.

That's the end of FASS 2000, and you heard songs from our band,
We wish it were a little bit dampened, for most of FASS 2000.

There were plane trips 'round the world, that ended with a crash,
Some said, "where is the bar boss? (Where? Who?) He's not around!"
We played our parts, give us a hand, or we'll do this play again.
Now it's time to go drink beer - We're done, at least until next year.

There's no more FASS 2000, there's no more merry England,
In fact, we also even killed Iceland, no one survived FASS 2000

Oh-oh-oh-oh_

That's the end of FASS 2000, you saw the Earth's death firsthand.
In fact, we are a little bit saddened, it's the end of FASS 2000.

FASS 2000, seemed to be fast as lightning ...